I was reading an article today in the Chattanooga Times Free Press about the dramatic increase in teens dying from accidental overdoses on prescription meds. The interview featured a parent who was devastated by the loss of his daughter. He related the call he had received from his ex-wife who was screaming into the phone that his daughter would not wake-up. The call and the story were heartbreaking. He went on to relate how his daughter had begun experimenting with drugs when she was fifteen years old and he didn’t know what caused the problem. He felt like he had done everything right as father.
How many times over my twenty-three years of ministry have I been faced with parents bewildered over the choices their teenagers and young adults are making. It’s sad because their hearts are breaking for their children. They literally feel that they have done it all right; and in the eyes of the world they have.
The Bible states in the book of Proverbs, “There is a way that seems right to a person, but its end is the way to death (Pr. 14:12)”.
We have been sold a lie by our culture as to what makes a good parent. The advertising companies and marketing machines spend billions of dollars trying to convince us that what our kids really need is stuff. They need great clothes, they need subscriptions to cable or satellite T.V.’s with the kids plan, they need their own room in a large home, they need to be involved in every activity a good parent can afford, they need cell phones, computers, mp3 players, tragically hip parents, they need the latest and greatest this and the latest and greatest that. If you are a good parent in the eye’s of this world you will do whatever you can to provide your child with these things.
The world does not just stop at stuff though. It tells us those with great stuff win and we want our children to be winners. The way that they get to be winners is through achievement. Our kids need to achieve academically so that they can get the right opportunity and land the right job that is going to allow them to get the right stuff, they need to be invested in the right activities and we should be willing to drop or sacrifice whatever so that Suzie Q can play soccer or Bobby Joe can play football because athletic success is the real ticket. They might be able to land a scholarship or maybe even one of those 100 million dollar pro sports contracts. Just think of all the stuff they could get with that!!!
No really, I just want them to be happy, and I know that if I had more stuff, more success, a prettier body I’d be happy so I darn sure want my kids to have a better shot at happiness than I’m having.
“There is a way that seems right to a person, but in the end leads to death (Pr. 14:12).”
George Barna, a pollster who has conducted surveys of the American people for the last 20 years, has a book called Revolutionary Parenting. It’s quite interesting, especially for someone who is a Christ follower. In the book he surveyed 2000 young adults who are committed Christians, love God, and are active and generous within their churches. These were kids that weren’t perfect but they experienced none of that teenage rebelliousness we’ve been taught is normal. When he surveyed them he found that most all of them had pretty amazing parents and so he surveyed parents as well. What he discovered is that “Revolutionary Parents” had some universally shared values, and these values seemed to produce some pretty amazing kids. I’ll share a few of them with you. These are going to be shocking so get ready.
- The parents loved God deeply and sincerely, and this love for God influenced every area of their lives.
- These parents saw parenting as their greatest responsibility in life.
- These parents saw the goal of their parenting being to raise kids who grew up to love and serve God (over academics, athletics, or anything else).
- These parents loved their spouse and were committed to their marriage for a lifetime.
- These parents took responsibility for the education of their children (whether public, private, or home schooled both academic and spiritual).
- These parents were consistent in their discipline.
- These parents did not try to be their kid’s best buddy.
- These parents made whatever economic sacrifices were necessary so that they could be involved in their children’s lives (instead of trying to give their kids more stuff, they gave them more of them; in almost every case one spouse was at home).
Some of these values might make you angry, but remember these are not Jeff’s eight values. These are some of the values that Barna discovered through his survey. They are just facts derived from statistical information. However, I have found that these values have worked in my life and in many, many other people I know.
During this fall quarter Kellie and I are going to be co-leading a growth group with some Revolutionary Parents Scott and Laura Lillard on the topic of how to be the best parents we can be. Those of you with kids that go to our church I highly recommend you attend this growth group, but after reading the article today I felt compelled to blog a bit on this topic.
Out of all the things God has given us to steward in our lives our children are the most precious. I have never once heard one person on their death bed say I wished I had spent less time with my children. I have seen many people who have been heartbroken over the direction of their children’s lives wondering what they could have done to prevent the reality they find themselves and their kids in. Well there are eight values that if internalized and lived out will be a huge dose of preventative medicine.
I’m writing this because I don’t want you to ever wake up to a daughter who is dead because she was using drugs to escape the world. I kept the first sentence of the story I related at the beginning of the blog intact because if the girl died at 22 and started doing dugs at 15 it doesn’t take brain science from the context of the story to figure out what happened that shattered her world to the point she wanted to go numb on drugs. Did you catch it? If not reread it over and over again until you clue in.
The good news is even if your parenting has been miserable; you can always make a fresh start. Recommit. Because if you look hard at this, all that is really being said by the results of the survey is be the person you want your kid to be. If they respect you they’ll want to be like you.
Jesus said, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”. I think this holds true for parenting.
