How to Get the Most Out of Church

Having been on staff at different churches since 1989 (that’s 24 years for those of you who are counting), I think I’ve learned a thing or two about how the church works and how people can get the most out of their experience while attending a church.  So here are some insider tips that I think will help you get the most out of your experience with church.

The first thing is a given for me.  You need to be a part of a church that is serious about following Jesus.  This can be a church that has high liturgy or is as contemporary as they come, the church can be large, it can be small, it can be medium sized, all of that is just personal preference.  But the heart of the church needs to be focused on following Jesus wherever he leads.  Can I tell you a secret?  Most churches are led by very sincere people who are doing their best to be faithful to Jesus and biblical truth.  These people aren’t perfect, they will make plenty of mistakes, but they love God and are doing the best they know how.  Guess what?  You aren’t perfect either.  Keep that in mind as your dealing with an imperfect system. 

Now here it is; the golden nugget.  Most folks don’t understand how the church affects change in our lives and the lives of our friends.  Being someone who loves to cook I’m going to use a cooking analogy.  Most of us think the church is a microwave.  We think we jump in, and in a very short period of time things should be significantly different for us.  This is not the way God works and it’s not the way he has designed his church to work.  Our spiritual lives are a journey, and the character of Christ is worked out in us over a lifetime. 

Also, Spiritual development is not something that happens in isolation.  You can’t just go to church and sit in a church service or attend a class and expect the character of Christ to form in your life.  First worship isn’t for us, worship is something we give to God.  Second, information is helpful for forming a base of knowledge but it’s useless unless it’s applied.  So that leads us back to the question how does church work?  If it’s not a quick fix.  If it’s not a 2 minute nuke in a microwave how does it work?

The church is designed to work like a smoker.  If you’re smoking a piece of meat you cook it low and slow.  For the meat to be smoky and fall apart tender you have to cook it between 175 and 200 for at least 12 hours.  If you put a brisket in a microwave for 2 minutes it’s going to be disgusting but if you put in a smoker for 12 to 14 hours it’s heaven on earth.  The church is the community of Christ on earth.  We are the people who live by the rule and reign of Christ.  Now to fully embrace the upside down values of the kingdom of heaven (the first shall be last, it’s in giving that we receive, love your enemies, bless those who persecute you, take up your cross) takes a community of people walking shoulder to shoulder over the long haul.

I didn’t really understand this fully until my oldest son graduated from High School and went off to college.  You see when Zachary was seven we planted (started) a church in Chattanooga Tennessee.  Over the course of the first few years there were a group of us who committed to doing life together as a church, we proclaimed the Gospel of Jesus to our city, prayed with one another, served one another, served our community and those who God brought into our church.  Now there were many families that bounced in and out of that group; families that became angry with me because of some decision or another that I made, or even angry with one of those core families.  But a core group of us have stuck it out over the long haul and have done life together.  There were plenty of times we got aggravated with one another or hurt each others feelings but we choose to love, to forgive, and to continue to do life together as Christians and as friends. 

Now over the course of years (a decade or longer) something beautiful happened.  These families standing back to back formed a safety net for our kids that produced young men and women who love God and are seeking to serve him as young adults.  We have changed each other and because of our commitment to Christ and one another worked out over the period of years and we have become better people.  When I saw the young man Zach had become and realized that it was a partnership between these families that had chosen to do life together through our church, something clicked.  I realized the power of the church is found in Christ-centered community.  That it is over the long haul not the short sprint that profound change comes and the life that truly is good is found.

You see that kind of power is not worked out in our lives because the pastor preaches a little better than the guy down the road or the band in the church down the street is cooler than the choir, or they have huge church building with a food court, or their youth group went to Disney World.  Honestly, none of those types of things matter.  They are not the difference makers.  The difference maker is authentic Christian community centered around the proclamation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ worked out over the long haul by those who choose to do life together.  If you don’t believe me read the last couple of chapters of each of Paul’s letters.  I’ll paraphrase most every letter Paul wrote.  In light of the redeeming love of Christ, that has moved us from death to life, live lives worthy of that redemption together (in unity and community).  For the followers of Jesus who get that and do that come blessings untold.

To sum up, you want to see the character of Jesus formed deep in your life?  Don’t church hop.  Invest deeply in your church by serving and building friendships where you do life together.  This is not going to be easy.  It will require work.  It will require grace.  It will require humility.  It will require love…funny aren’t those exactly the qualities God wants to form in our lives?  Go figure.   

Something I've learned about marriage

Eph 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I must admit, Valentines is one of my favorite holidays; I think it is because I really am a hopeless romantic at heart. Valentines is also a time when I stop and reflect on my marriage. How am I doing in demonstrating my love for my wife? How is our relationship; is it healthy, is it not healthy? Over the course of Kellie and my nearly eighteen years of marriage and twenty years of being together there is one thing that we have learned that has sustained our relationship and our love and affection for one another; that one thing is grace.

I believe most people go into marriage with love blinders on. Kellie and I certainly did. We think our spouse is wonderful and can do no wrong. We brush over their faults thinking mistakenly that we will be able to change them later or we see them as cute quirks that they have, but we don’t understand how those things will wear on a relationship after years of being together.

After being married to an individual for a period of time we discover that the ones we love so much have the ability to hurt us. They know us so well that they can say things that cut us to the core of who we are. They see all of the inconsistencies in our lives and will call them out from time to time; this can really sting.

They themselves are not perfect and disappoint us, hurt our feelings, take us for granted, do stupid things that we have to pay for because we are united to them. Both individuals in a marriage will do these types of things innumerous times over the course of a marriage.
They do not do it maliciously, most of the time; they just do it because they are flawed.

It’s part of the human condition. Each of us desires close relationship. It’s hard wired into our hearts. We desire to have someone to love and for someone to love us. Unfortunately we are all broken. There’s something in the human condition that’s not quite right. So that experience of love and loving someone else doesn’t come easy. It’s hard because try as we might, none of us is perfect and we all hurt the ones we love. This human condition, our brokenness, the Bible tells us is a result of our rebellion to God. It’s sin. None of us can escape it, its part of our human condition.

Yet there is a way that two broken people with a propensity to hurt each other can live together, keep their love intact, and actually grow closer to one another and more loving through time. It is a way that finds its fullest expression through Jesus love for us on the cross. The way is called grace.

Kellie and I learned early on that because we both had such strong domineering personalities that we were going to hurt each others feelings often, not intentionally, but we just would. We decided to keep short accounts with one another. We decided to always live in grace. Kellie may hurt my feelings, she may make me angry, she may get so task driven that she forgets to give all the attention my little heart desires, but it’s O.K. I forgive her for not being perfect, and in reality she has to offer much more grace to me than I could ever dream of offering her. But it’s this grace, this laying down of offenses, this choosing not to hold a grudge or to demand justice for all the wrongs that has allowed us to stay in love all these years, and to not only stay in love but for our love for one another to actually grow.

Why? Because we are able to concentrate on the things we find fascinating and endearing about each other instead of focusing on the hurt or woundedness that sometimes occurs as a result of being so close.

You know I thought I loved her when I was twenty-one, but I love her so much more at forty and grace has been the key. This Valentines Day I encourage you to make a new commitment to grace in your marriage; to not hold on to the wrongs but to live in a state of forgiveness.